Quantcast

A journey to hell and back: A story of suicide and survival - KTVQ.com | Q2 | Continuous News Coverage | Billings, MT

A journey to hell and back: A story of suicide and survival

Posted: Updated:
Hew said he first recalls the feeling of self-hatred as a boy. (MTN News) Hew said he first recalls the feeling of self-hatred as a boy. (MTN News)
Hew still battles with depression, but he's able to share his pain with friends and a therapist. (MTN News) Hew still battles with depression, but he's able to share his pain with friends and a therapist. (MTN News)
BILLINGS -

It was perhaps the worst morning of his life, considering he hadn’t expected to wake up that day.

"I remember waking up and being out of it, and I remember thinking, 'man I can't even kill myself right,'" said Hew Hundley, 26. "It was a real sobering thought, what I had just done."

Hundley tried to end his own life by swallowing a cocktail of pills.

Though he survived, Hundley doesn't call himself a survivor.

"There's nothing heroic about wanting to die,” said Hundley. “You didn't fight some great war. You tried to kill yourself. You fought a war and you lost. I don't think survivor is the right word. I consider myself lucky because I shouldn't be here and blessed to be here.”

He just celebrated his 26th birthday, laughing with friends over coffee at MOAV, his favorite coffee shop.

That was a good day. Hundley said other days, it’s hard to get out of bed.

Hundley battles daily with depression.

"It wasn't so much when I first noted my depression,” said Hundley. “It was when I realized I hated myself."

It's a hatred he first remembers from childhood.

"For whatever reason, the mother that gave birth to me, the father that decided to help my mother conceive me, for whatever reason, I wasn't good enough," said Hundley.

He was adopted young into a family that loved him unconditionally.

 "If someone were to look at my life through this window, it looked pretty good,” said Hundley. “And that was exactly the problem. Because people looked at that perfect life and had no idea what was going on up here.”

Hundley said friends and family asked him after his suicide attempt why he never reached out.

"You're in a fire storm, there are flames all around you,” said Hundley. “If you were given the opportunity to end that suffering that you knew would be vast, for a moment's peace, you'd take it."

Not every day is easy, but today, Hew is embracing his second chance and finding peace with the help of friends and a therapist.

He said this reawakening has opened his eyes to a bigger problem.

"We need a society that is educated on what to look for because at first we're not going to want help,” said Hundley. “But if you knew what to look for, it would read like a book."

And for people like Hew, who are ready to pen the last chapter, he begs them to just breathe.

"There comes a time when you are standing in front of that door and it feels like the right decision,” said Hundley. “If that feels like the answer to your questions, you're asking yourself the wrong questions."

This was the first time Hundley has spoken publicly about his suicide attempt.

He said he hopes it brings awareness to the crisis and helps people who are struggling to open up to their friends and families.

"The biggest thing I've learned is how precious this is, existence,” said Hundley. “How meaningful it can be."


Ways to help:

Dr. Eric Arzubi said anyone can volunteer with the crisis hotline text service to send and receive messages from someone in need.

Intervening when bullying is taking place or reporting it to the proper authorities.

Volunteer with programs like Big Brothers Big Sisters and the Adult Resource Alliance to help vulnerable populations.

Read and learn about warning signs and intervention.

Places to get help:

Stop in to NAMI to speak with Joe Chalupa.

Visit with a counselor or therapist.

Make an appointment with a psychiatrist.

Call or text 'START' to 741741 to access the crisis hotline.

RELATED:

Billings experts warn suicide attempts under-reported, problem on the rise

WEATHER
Powered by Frankly

© KTVQ.com 2017, KTVQ.com
A CORDILLERA COMMUNICATIONS Station
All rights reserved
Privacy Policy, | Terms of Service, and Ad Choices

Can't find something?